Had a VERY Merry Christmas!

We had a FANTASTIC first Christmas for Olivia! Poor John was working third shift on Christmas Eve, so he got off at 7am on Christmas Day. He got home and wanted to sleep, but I really wanted us to open our stockings because my parents wanted us to wait to open Olivia's presents until they came over. I really wanted the three of us (me and John and Olivia to have a little private time before all our family came over). Not that I minded sharing the present opening with family--this way we got to do both. I feel kind of guilty because John was REALLY tired! He's really behind on sleep because of working third shift so much lately. Now he's working first shift, which works MUCH better with our schedules. Anyway, John's mom came over with some stuffed French toast and fruit salad for John, then my parents came over and we made all the food for Christmas lunch. Then we opened presents. Olivia really loved that remote controlled car John got her. She even figured out really quickly that if she shook the rattle, the car would drive around in circles. I hate to brag so much on my own child and I know I'm partial, but she's SO SMART! Lol. Anyway, we ate and watched A Christmas Story and that was our Christmas. Pretty quiet, but I think it was a little much for Olivia--she started being pretty cranky and woke up once last night--at 4:30am, then went back to bed and slept till 7am, which was WAY later than she normally sleeps. I got up with John and packed his lunch with leftovers and ate breakfast before she even woke up. It was a great first Christmas for Olivia. I was really happy. :-) I'm really happy with my lot in life lately. I was on the couch with Olivia today and she was asleep on my chest and I was thinking that I really ought to put her down and do some laundry and then I thought What the hell. She's only going to want to take a nap in my arms for a limited time. She's growing up so fast it won't be long till high school and dating and proms and graduation and I want to savor this darn it! Nobody ever looks back on their life and thinks "Should've done more laundry!", but they DO look back and wish they had more time with their loved ones. So I'm going to take it while I can and worry about other things later!

To Santa or not to Santa....?

So this Christmas has really brought some things up for me. It's been a REALLY long time since we bothered with Santa Claus in my family. I'm not sure when I stopped believing (or if I ever truly did believe that he exsists). It meant a lot to my mom, but it never really meant that much to me. Since we had Olivia though it's really got me thinking. I'm still on the fence about whether I want to do Santa or not. On the one hand, it really means a lot to John and my mom to do it with Olivia. On the other hand, I'm coming to a better place with God and Catholicism. I want to make sure Olivia knows that presents and Santa (if we do Santa) are way, WAY second to the true reason for the season--Jesus. John and I already talked about not going overboard with the presents (like my parents kind of did with me) and only giving Olivia three gifts (one she needs, one she wants, and one she reads) after the three gifts that Jesus got. I also really like the idea of doing a "birthday party for Jesus" like one of my friends does on Christmas Eve. Instead of having milk and cookies out for Santa, they make a birthday cake for Jesus and celebrate and pray. I enjoyed having Santa when I was little, but it is being used not to further secularize and commercialize Christmas, which I am VERY much against! I like doing gifts at Christmas, but I like GIVING them more than RECEIVING them. It makes me really happy giving gifts to my loved ones and seeing them happy. I think Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and about family and love. I want Olivia to understand that too and understand that it's not just about getting gifts and whatever you want. Also, the idea of Santa is kind of creepy --a fat, old, bearded man that watches you sleeping and sneaks into your house via chimney? CREEPY!!! I talked to John about it and he does want to do Santa with Olivia, but I'm just not sure about it. It's hard because I was raised with Santa, so I wouldn't know how to NOT do it with her. I don't want to take something precious away from her childhood, but my moral compass is just not pointing towards the North pole......

Job interviews, Anniversary, and Christmas preparations, OH MY!

So this last week I had two more job interviews! That makes four job interviews this month, which is awesome because prior to this I'd had a grand total of ZERO! I felt like I was sending my resume out into the black hole of unemployment. My first was a Customer Service Representative job with AT&T. My mom had recommended it to me, but I wasn't really all that excited. I heard back from them almost immediately though. My mom says they had to fire basically the whole department and are hiring all new people. They said my background was perfect for the job (let's hear it for 6 years in the customer service/retail industry!) It wasn't really a job interview though, it was a computer test. They made us take three tests, one of which was a simulation of customer phone calls using the actual computer system they use for the calls. I feel like I did really well on it and there's no reason I SHOULDN'T get that job, which would be perfect for me. I think I would really enjoy it and I would be working in the same building as my mom, so I would get to eat lunch with her everyday, which would be awesome. There's also a Kindercare really close by so Olivia could go to daycare there and I'd be able to get her if anything came up. The other was for La Petite Academy. They were looking for someone to fill in shifts and run their afterschool program for older grade children. John had a job interview with the Jefferson County Sheriff's Dept. They were unsure of him at first because he told them about getting fired from Carmax. He told them what happened (and it really was Pip's fault anyway) and they said it had been almost 18 months since it happened and it wasn't really all that bad anyway. They're taking him in for the polygraph and agility tests soon. I'm hoping that soon John and I will both have new jobs! If we did, life would be absolutely perfect for us--a nice house, good jobs, and a beautiful, healthy, sweet baby girl--what more could anyone want out of life?

Today is John's and my 3rd anniversary. I got really mad at John yesterday because I thought we were going to be doing something for our anniversary yesterday (he was supposed to work today, but traded shifts with somebody). I thought he hadn't planned anything for us--he does that kind of often. We got into a fight about it and I told him I just didn't want to do anything for any of our anniversaries because I was tired of expecting him to do stuff for it and being disappointed! Then I found out he had planned for his mom to babysit Olivia today so that we could have a date-day and he had wanted it to be a surprise for me because he knows how much I love surprises. That made me feel like a total dirtbag... :-/ I did apologize though. I really was sorry....

We went Christmas shopping for Olivia yesterday and it was oh-so much fun! I got her one of those things where you stack the different sized rings and John got her a remote-controlled car. Yes....really.... It's RATTLE controlled. The baby shakes the rattle and the car goes. It's supposed to teach cause-and-effect or something, but I think John just thought it was awesome. It was pretty cool. It says for 6 mos+, but I don't think Olivia will be able to figure it out for a while anyway... Lol We're having Christmas at our house this year--we actually decorated (okay, I actually decorated) and my parents and John's mom normally don't. Also, it's easier to have everyone come to us all at once instead of us trying to get Olivia around to visit everybody else. I'm excited. I think Olivia will really enjoy this Christmas (as much as she can) and she REALLY loves seeing my parents and John's mom, so that'll be a nice treat. I don't think she's seen Barbara since THANKSGIVING!

The millk-bag needs to let go a little.....

I'm going to brag on my husband John for just a second --he's such a wonderful husband and father! We were having the WORST time putting Olivia down to bed last night! It was partially my fault--we fed her dinner (prunes and sweet potatoes) and I was nursing her on the couch and she fell asleep. I was so tired, I just laid right down with her and went to sleep too! We slept for about an hour and a half and when I woke up, I had a terrible headache and I told John I didn't want to give her a bath, I just wanted to go to bed. He tried to warn me, and I honestly don't know WHAT I was thinking --she NEVER goes to bed well on nights we don't do her regular nightttime routine. Anyway, she and I went to bed and slept for about an hour when she woke up and was being playful. John gave her a bath by himself because I felt so bad. Then I tried to nurse her to sleep, but she would just NOT GO to bed! John finally sent me to bed and stayed up with her. I couldn't sleep though. I could hear her in the living room crying and crying and it made me so upset! I dunno if it's just a mommy-thing or because of the breastfeeding bond or what, but I feel TERRIBLY guilty when I'm not taking care of her. It was like I could hear Nanny 911 in my ear saying "She's fine. Her father's taking care of her. There's no reason for you to go in there." And that's all true. I'm always complaining to John that he doesn't do enough as a dad, but he WANTS to, I just won't let him! Like last night...he had everything totally under control with Olivia and I was soooo tired and had such a bad headache, but it almost killed me not going in there to comfort her myself. Pip is getting married tomorrow and the rehearsal dinner is tonight. My parents are watching Olivia for us all day tomorrow and John's dad and Leona are watching Olivia for us tonight so we can go to the rehearsal dinner. Well....John was already going to the dinner and I was going to stay at home with Olivia (I didn't want to ask my parents to watch her two days in a row and his mom is out of town) I'm really excited about the time I'm going to get to spend with John (and our friends) tonight and tomorrow for such a happy occasion, but it's going to be really hard --I DO feel guilty spending so much time away from Olivia! I have another job interview next Friday with AT&T and I'm really hoping SOME job...ANY job will pan out for me, but when I do finally get a job, it's going to be SOOOOO hard for me to not be with Olivia 24/7 for the first time in her life! It's something I have to do though and it'll be good for both of us.

On a side note, Olivia started doing something last night that John and I were CRACKING UP about! I posted on the LeakyB@@b yesterday that "You know you're a breastfeeding mom when: You walk through your house with one boob hanging out and don't realize it till you see yourself in the mirror. Then you realize you have no idea how long you've been walking around like that." A TON of other BF moms thought that was hilarious. Last night I thought of a new one. Olivia has been putting both hands on either side of my breast while she's eating and squeezing them together and kneading with her fingers. Lol John says she's "milking me". I fussed at her about it (it REALLY hurt!) She gave me such a look! Like "Be quiet, milk bag, I'm eating here!" I told John "You know you're a breastfeeding mom when: You feel a sense of kinship with and pity for a cat you see nursing a litter of kittens...." Lol! I swear, I know it's normal and natural, but sometimes I feel like such an ANIMAL when I'm feeding Olivia. Like...less human...going back to our natural primate-roots!

Family Day

So I finally got to go to Family Day at John's unit. He's been trying to get me to go for years, but stuff always comes up. Usually it was because I was working at JCPenney and you just can't get a weekend off from retail THIS time of year! But last year I think I was teaching Sunday school and doing lector at church or something. Anyway, I got to go this year and it was BOOOORING! They did some church service which I didn't attend because I don't feel comfortable attending Protestant church services (Yes, I am kind of being that way, but whatever) Mostly John and I just hung out and talked and showed off the baby. EVERYONE loved seeing her, kept commenting on how cute she is. She is pretty stinkin' cute, if I may be so prejudiced. Olivia was in a great mood too--smiling and laughing at everybody--which was kind of a relief because she's been teething so bad lately. After that we went to Baumhower's because I was REALLY craving some wings and fried pickles. John was still in his dress uniform and Olivia and I were still in our dress up clothes and I didn't think about it at the time, but I'm sure people were looking at us. I always forget when we go out and John's wearing his Army uniform that people stare at us. Anyway, we were just over there eating and feeding Olivia her baby food when our waitress came up and told us somebody had paid for our lunch, so we wouldn't be getting a ticket! John and I were FLOORED! Then kind of panicked because we didn't have any cash with which to tip our waitress, but she told us they had even taken care of her tip! It makes John feel uncomfortable, I think. People are always paying for his lunch or giving him gifts when he's out in his uniform (one time somebody gave him a Beanie baby wearing fatigues!) or even just coming up to thank him for his service. He asked me one time what he should say when somebody comes up to thank him. I told him to just say "You're welcome", which he does now (still looking a bit uncomfortable though). After lunch we went to Buy Buy Baby. I just wanted to look at their Christmas stuff. I was disappointed--most of it was already gone. I did get Olivia one of her Christmas presents (a giant version of her teething caterpillar, which she loves). I'm going to put it in her giant stocking that we got! I also was looking at one of those kits to make a baby handprint ornament. I wasn't really sure about spending the money, but John could tell I wanted to get it, so he said I should go ahead. I did. We had a lot of fun making it. Lol The print we got is really good, but it kind of looks like she's doing the Vulcan "Live long and prosper" sign, which is funny. We had some leftover mold and were goofing around, so we also made one with Achilles's pawprint (we didn't have enough left to make one of Olivia's foot) They're both really cute. They came with some pink, blue, yellow, and white ribbon so you can hang them depending on whichever color you like, but I'm going to use some of the red and green yarn leftover from making our Christmas wreath. I think it'll make the ornament looking a little Christmasy-er. I'm glad we went ahead and bought the kit. It wasn't very expensive, but John and I are hurting for money. I was looking at Olivia though and thinking that in a couple of weeks she's going to be SIX MONTHS OLD! I can't believe it! I love that she's growing and learning and can do new things everyday, but I'm also a little sad. When she was a newborn, I would hold her while she slept and just STARE at her! I knew that those moments would be short and over before I knew it, so I wanted to savor it as much as I could. I would stare and stare at her every chance I got to try to sear it into my mind how she looked, how she smelled, how absolutely beautiful she was, and still....she's growing up! I know that I'll cherish that ornament for years from now when she's all grown up and being a teenager and thinking John and I are total losers... Lol

SAHM no more? Plus...thoughts on pregnancy.

So I've been looking for a job like crazy the last couple of months. John's got a pretty good job, but he just makes enough for us to cover our bills and not much else. The only problem is I can't just go back to working retail like I was before because I have to make enough to pay for Olivia's daycare (we don't have any family that could watch her for us during the day) and daycare is EXPENSIVE! Anyway, I had TWO job interviews this past week, which is AWESOME! One was for a teaching position at the daycare center really close to where John and I live. That would obviously be my first choice. It doesn't pay SUPER great and we wouldn't get a discount on Olivia's daycare till she's 18 mos old, but it's so so close to our house and I'd feel a lot better about having Olivia in daycare if I were there the whole time. Also, I wouldn't have to worry about taking off work for holidays when the daycare is closed--they go along with school schedule. I would make enough to cover the cost of Olivia's daycare with enough leftover to make it worth my while. I also had an interview at a staffing agency. They find people to fill positions at offices all over the Birmingham area. I'm hoping something could work out that way too because the pay would be better than teaching and I wouldn't have to take my work home with me--I could just go home and focus on Olivia and John. Either way my options are good, for which I'm really thankful.

I was reading this article this morning about this celebrity who just had a baby and was talking about her hair falling out after she had the baby and how women never talk about stuff like that! It got me to thinking about what women go through during pregnancy. I had never heard half this stuff until I actually got preggo. Then every woman that saw me wanted to tell me about being pregnant! Bad stuff too... :-/ I was taking a shower, thinking about it, pulling clumps of my hair out so it wouldn't clog the drain (my pp hairloss was delayed because of the breastfeeding) I thought about all the mornings and nights of debilitating heartburn. Of throwing up in really embarassing places--gas station parking lots, restuarants, the time I didn't make it to the bathroom and threw up in the floor of our favorite Mexican restuarant. I thought about the acne I developed that STILL hasn't gone away. The stretch marks that criss-cross across my breasts, stomach, thighs. About how my stomach looks all crazy and poochy because it got all stretched out. How I lost all my baby weight because of the breastfeeding, but still can't wear most of my dresses because my breasts are HUGE! Then I think about how none of that matters at all. I think about the nights where I'd lay on the couch while John laid his head on my belly and talk to Olivia and she'd kick right where his face was! How when I ate dinner too fast, she'd get the hiccups and I couldn't stop laughing because my belly would twitch every time she hiccuped. How I would sit in Dr. Truss's World War I class taking notes and nobody (not even Dr. Truss!) could concentrate because Olivia was rolling around and you could see my whole belly roll every time she moved. I think about how scared I was when I found out that my placenta had failed and I'd have to have a c-section RIGHT THEN. And how I felt the first time she latched on succeessfully and I realized that not only did I sustain her life for nine months inside my body, but I would also keep her alive with my milk--just like millions of women did with their own babies thousands of years before I was born. Olivia is the biggest blessing I've ever had in my life and everytime I looked at my crazy poochy belly and stretch marks, I feel proud because that's what I did for my daughter and not only would I do it again in a heartbeat, I can't wait till John and I are ready for baby #2 (though it will be a LONG while! Lol)

Up all night....

So this week John is working the third shift at his job (11pm-7am). I'm not 100% sure, since she IS teething, but I think this change is kind of bothering Olivia. The two last nights (not including last night, but the nights before) she was having a REALLY hard time going to sleep--she just absolutely DID NOT want to! Last night, I had a really easy time getting her to go to sleep, so I thought she'd sleep good, but she was up EVERY two hours! It got to where I didn't even get bothered by it. I'd just get up, zombie-walk over to get her, nurse her for 10-15 min, and put her back to bed. I guess I'm getting back into the "newborn" rhythm and it just doesn't bother me anymore. Anyway, I talked to my mom about it this morning and she said she read that I'm not supposed to feed her at night because she'll get into the habit of eating again at night. I'm not sure, but I think that info is for formula fed babies, which makes sense because formula is for feeding and nothing else. I said I wasn't going to be getting back on facebook (and I'm still gonna try to stick to my guns about commenting on people's posts and walls, and not updating my status), but I just HAD to ask my friends on this breastfeeding page (The Leaky B@@b, isn't that hysterical??) to see what they think. I think a lot of times people who haven't breastfed assume bf and ff babies are the same and they completely aren't. I even thought last night that maybe the reason Olivia was getting up so much was because I wasn't producing enough milk to satisfy her, so I made a couple ounces of formula to "fill her up". She drank a tiny bit, refused the majority of it, and then nursed herself back to sleep after that. I really don't think it's the FOOD she wants at night. I think it's the comfort of it--the nursing, and me holding her close, etc. because her teeth are hurting her. Poor baby... :-/

Judgey wudgey was a bear cont'd....

After I posted this (I had to go because Olivia REALLY needed a nap!) I thought of something I wanted to add. Women do the best they can with the circumstances they're given. My mom WANTED so bad to breastfeed me, but she couldn't produce enough milk. She could have kept trying and kept trying and I would have kept losing weight. She CHOSE to give that up because she thought it was better for me to have formula and not be hungry. Similarly, I WANTED to have natural childbirth. Not only because I've read it's better for the baby, but also because I wanted the full "Mommy experience" of bringing my child into the world by myself. I had to have a c-section. Soon after her birth, one of my frienemies made a snide remark about it. She felt that I should've waited (Olivia was born two weeks early) because Olivia could have flipped (Olivia was breech). I told her that yes, John and I could've waited till the full 40 weeks, hoping that Olivia would flip around. Unfortunately that wasn't an option for us because my placent had failed and we had to have an EMERGENCY c-section because Olivia couldn't breathe! It was NOT the birth I wanted at all, but do I regret it?? That's a crazy question! My baby could have died and I thank God everyday that we had access to the technology that saved her life. People should not judge until they know all the facts about a situation. I'm still getting crap about having a c-section because "so many c-sections are unnecessary". Yes, some are. Mine wasn't.

Judgey wudgey was a bear....

So I'm a fan of TODAY Moms on facebook and they're always posting these really neat articles for moms. You know, like: "Arsenic found in apple juice!" And "Are people who DON'T vaccinate their kids being irresponsible?" things like that. Today they declared it as "Judgement free day" and moms could post what they're tired of being judged about. I posted that I'm really tired of being judged for how I feed Olivia. I'm mostly breastfeeding her, though I do supplement with formula. I don't do it during the week much because we're both at home all day, but on the weekends, when my parents and I take her out, I usually give her formula. I get kind of a two-fold judgement on me... On the one hand, my dad kind of HATES that I breastfeed her. Not sure what exactly his problem with it is, although I suspect it's because it means he can't feed her as much. Or maybe it just makes him uncomfortable because it's my BREASTS! Anyway, I don't really feel comfortable breastfeeding her in public, so I usually take a bottle and formula for her like if we go shopping or to the mall or anything. That means I get judged by breastfeeding mom-nazis who are like "FORMULA IS SATAN'S MILK!!!!" Apparently, though I didn't know this (my mom COULDN'T breastfeed me and I had to have formula) I am poisoning my daughter by giving her formula. Anyway, I was reading the comments the other moms were making and it basically boiled down to: Breastfeeding moms v. Formula moms, Stay at home moms v. working moms, corporal punishment moms v. timeout moms, vaccinate v. don't vaccinate. Everyone was complaining that the other group was judging them for what they were doing. It seems so strange to me! I mean...each group has valid points, reasons, concerns. Nobody on there was like "I'm going to purposefully sabotage my child by psychologically, physically, and emotionally damaging them by giving them formula (working, staying at home, breastfeeding them as toddlers, spanking, co-sleeping with them, etc. etc. insert what you want) Everyone is doing what they think is best for their children or what they're able to do. Yes, I really want to be a SAHM, I GENUINELY do! I love getting to spend that time with my daughter. We can't afford it right now, I'm going back to work (hopefully). Some people can afford it, or can't afford daycare, so they stay home. No biggie. Why are we SO concerned with what other moms are doing?? Why do we judge? I think it's a woman thing. We're always judging what we're doing based on what other women are doing. If something another woman is doing makes us feel bad about our OWN choices, we have to judge them for it. Who cares? Live and let live! We should be supportive and celebrating our differences as mothers (and women) instead of belittling and judging!

'Tis the season!

I've expressed the desire (among my family and friends) to raise Olivia to be more religiously inclined than I am. I feel it is especially important this time of year to raise her to appreciate God and His gifts. It's not Lent, but I'm going to make a sacrifice in honor of this Christmas season--no Facebook for the entire month of December. No status updates, no pictures, no commenting on other people's posts. Nothing. I am doing a complete embargo of Facebook for this month. I want to focus on what this season is really about--not the hate that's being put out there, not about the commercialism. It's about love and faith and family. I want to spend my Christmas season focusing purely on those things--especially with my family. I'm going to continue to blog--this isn't really for anyone except for me and eventually Olivia (I plan to print these out to put in her babybook so she can have a glimpse of what her early life was like through John's and my perspective. It may not seem like much, but since I've become a SAHM, I've been totally obsessed with Facebook--it's really my only outlet (besides this blog) and the only way I can really socialize. I feel this is important though. How can I raise Olivia to value family over commercialism if I'm not willing to as well....?

Angry baby!

Olivia has been acting kind of strange lately. She's been sleeping more during the day and not wanting to nurse. She's also been really FUSSY! Which is completely unlike her. Normally she's the most easy-going baby ever, but lately she's been really really cranky. She woke up 5-6 times last night crying and crying and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her! Normally when she wakes up, I just nurse her back to sleep and it's no big deal. Lately though she's been waking up crying like crazy and not wanting to nurse. She just cries and cries. It's driving me crazy cause I can't figure out what's bothering her. I was afraid she had caught something from my dad at Thanksgiving because now he's got a cold. I don't really think that's what it is now though because she's not sniffly or anything. I talked to my mom about it this morning and we think that maybe Olivia's about to cut a tooth and that's why she's not nursing properly--or even eating that much at all! She did eat a whole jar of sweet potatoes last night, so I know she's hungry. We figured maybe it's the sucking motion that's making her mouth hurt more. I wish she'd just cut a tooth already so she doesn't feel so bad! It breaks my heart to hear her crying like that and not really be able to do anything for her... :-(

Happy Thanksgiving (A day late, but I'm still thankful!)

Happy Thanksgiving! I know I'm a day late, but after having had Olivia, I find myself thankful EVERYDAY, instead of just on this holiday. So really I'm not late--every day is a day of Thanksgiving.

Anyway, yesterday we celebrated Thanksgiving in the usual manner. Our family came over and we cooked and ate and it was DELICIOUS! Even Olivia got to eat. She sat at the table in her highchair like a big girl and ate a whole jar of organic sweet potatoes. Sweet potatoes seems to be her favorite and I felt like it was appropriate for the holiday. My parents and John's mom came over and we just had fun! It was especially nice since I didn't get to cook last year (my mom got takeout, which I didn't even really get to EAT because I was so morning sick). My parents bought the already cooked turkey and I made mashed potatoes (NOT from a box!), green bean casserole, ham&broccoli rolls, candied yams, and stuffing. My dad made corn salad (which was delicious) and John's mom made pumpkin cheesecake and peacan pie. I know Olivia had no idea what was going on, but it was SO much fun! The last couple of years I've realized how blessed I am and how much I have. My birthday is Monday and my mom asked me what I wanted (in addition to some AWESOME shoes that I saw back in September) and I told her that there's nothing I want--there's nothing that I need! I have everything I could ever want (I DO want a job though! Lol) and I want to make the holidays about being with family and love and happiness and all the things the holidays SHOULD be about before our society got so greedy! I want Olivia to understand THAT'S what the holidays are really about--friends and family and being with the people you love--and NOT about just getting as many gifts as you can.

Anyway, yesterday was Thanksgiving, so here goes: I'm thankful for all the blessings God has given me: My friends, my health, my life and my family (ESPECIALLY my family!) I'm thankful that I have wonderful parents who have done everything they can to give me a great life. I'm thankful that I met a wonderful man who doesn't necessarily have it all together (who does?), but who loves me and tries so hard every day to be a great husband and father. Most of all I'm so thankful for Olivia. John and I weren't ready to become parents, but God had other plans for us. He blessed us with a beautiful, healthy, sweet, smart and WONDERFUL daughter that is a HOT MESS--just like the rest of our family--and I love her more than anything! I'm thankful for all these things and the love I feel for my family makes me feel like my heart will just BURST from it! (Okay, enough cheesiness for now... :-P)

TALES FROM THE CRIB!!!

Yesterday....

So I was working on a paper for that World War I class I took while I was pregnant and Olivia was playing on her playmat. Suddenly, I hear her "go to the bathroom" (the bad kind!) I hurriedly go to change her before it can leak out of her diaper and quickly realize I'm too late and it is EVERYWHERE! Out of her diaper, all over her, all over her sleeper, all over everywhere! I take off her diaper and sleeper and am reaching for a baby wipe when she suddenly decides to display her (newfound) independence and roll over, effectively smearing it MORE all over herself and also the carpet in our living room. I soon realize that mere baby wipes will not be sufficient in this case and she's going to need a bath. We normally only bathe her at night --as part of her nighttime routine-- except in special circumstances. I decided this counted as "special". I wipe her off as best I can and take her upstairs for a bath. As we're going up the stairs, she reveals she was NOT finished going to the bathroom and I am a complete FOOL for carrying her up the stairs NAKED!

This morning.....

Me: Nothing like nursing Olivia and her little hands feel like ICE CUBES!!!

My mom: Oooooohhhhh! Poor baby!

Me: Poor baby nothing! Poor mama! Putting her little ice cube hands all over my boob!

These have been more TALES FROM THE CRIB! Stay tuned for more episodes.....

Homework. Bleh!

My parents took Olivia today and John's at work. This means that for the first time since she was born, I'm completely alone at the house. I needed them to take her so I could finish homework I have leftover from a class I was taking in the summer. The class ended July 4 and my due date was July 6. What could go wrong, right?! Anyway, she was born two weeks early and I'm WAY behind in finishing the work. I feel so bad for my professor because she's been so kind about everything and I feel like I'm totally taking advantage of that and I don't MEAN too! Anyway, I got everything done today that I possibly can and am just waiting to hear back from her about some articles I need to read. I'm still further along than John (who was taking the class with me). What the heck was I thinking taking a graduate level history class when I was 9 months preggo?! And what the heck were John and my mom thinking letting me do it?! I mean...I was pregnant, obviously not in my right mind. What's their excuse?

Anyway, I kind of thought I'd enjoy being by myself, but I just miss the baby. My mom said she'd bring her home in about an hour and I was like "Just go ahead and bring her." The house is all quiet and lonely without her. I can't imagine what it'll feel like when she moves out when she's 18! No wonder people have "empty-nest syndrome". Especially SAH mom's. They prolly feel like they're going nuts! Sometimes when I'm with her, I daydream about the days when I was just completely by myself and could do whatever the heck I wanted. Now I just want my baby back! I miss her!

Almost Thanksgiving

So today I went shopping with my mom to get the groceries for Thanksgiving. We're doing it at my house this year and my parents are in charge of the turkey and I'm cooking everything else! I want to really do it up this year because it's Olivia's first Thanksgiving and also because I couldn't really enjoy it last year--morning sickness prevented me from cooking OR eating the food! Nooooo!

So I hate it when people rush past Thanksgiving to get to Christmas, but today my mom and I were at the mall to shop for body wash at Bath and Body Works and we saw Santa Claus just sitting there by himself! NO LINES! We immediately rushed to buy Olivia a Christmas-y outfit (like she doesn't already have enough of those) so she could get her pic taken with him. I know that's wrong, but NO LINES! Olivia loved it--she couldn't take her eyes off him. She was TOTALLY enamored. I figured I should enjoy it this year--next year she'll probably be terrified of the big guy.

Good weekend

I had a GREAT weekend! Olivia slept through the whole night Saturday night. She not only slept the whole night, but slept so late that I was able to get up with John and talk to him while he got ready for work and then clean the kitchen before she woke up! Then she and I went to church with my mom and then my parents came over to my house to eat some homemade chili I made--delish! Olivia slept through the night last night too--well she woke up at 4:30, nursed for a half hour, then went back to sleep, but I'm going to count it as a win since she's still in bed asleep with John and I'm up blogging by myself. It's really nice to get a few minutes to myself--that's so rare these days and I'm one of those people that REALLY needs personal time/space in order to function on a daily basis.

Not my baby!

So Olivia slept really well last night! My parents (specifically my dad) have been bothering me about feeding Olivia solid food. I had tentatively been doing that, but some days I would "forget". I realized yesterday when Olivia was very happily eating her breakfast of sweet potato mush that I'm going to have to just suck it up and accept the fact that she's growing up and needs to start eating solids. I realized the problem is not with Olivia eating solid food, it's what it represents to me, namely the fact that it means Olivia is beginning the weaning process. I know that it'll still be six months or more before Olivia totally weans off me, but this next step feels like the beginning of the end and that makes me sad. The really bad thing is that when I went to talk to John and my mom about it, they already knew how I was feeling about it and why. They can read my crazy emotions better than I can! :-/ I DON'T WANT MY BABY TO NOT NEED ME AS MUCH! But I know that being a good mom means raising her to not need me. Motherhood dilemma....what're you gonna do?

Scheduling Conflicts....

So Olivia did better last night--she woke up at 2am and I nursed her for a while and she went back to sleep. I tentatively wanted to move her back into her pack'n'play, but I guess John didn't want to risk her waking up several more times throughout the night because he wanted to just let her sleep in bed with us. I was too tired to argue (and, let's face it, he DID have a point...) so she slept with us until about 6am, when John got up to get ready for work. This whole thing kind of sets me up for my next post: Schedules, or (because people seem to prefer this word) "routines". Now, I know that babies and children thrive on routine and everything I've read online says Olivia is definitely old enough to have an established routine (she's 4 mos old). Every day I wake up and say to myself "Today's the day. I'm going to sit down and figure out a workable routine for her and me" and you'd think I'd be able to because I AM a SAHM, so it's not like I've got a lot going on to distract me from this. The problem is that she does things different everyday! The only thing we've totally established in her nighttime, go-to-bed routine (and that works fantastic), but she wakes up at different times each day. She wants to eat, nap, play, etc. different times EVERY DAY! I've looked at sample routines online for breastfeeding, SAHM's, but besides breastfeeding, we've also added solids, which aren't really part of a routine for 4 mos olds and also, I guess their babies nap a lot more during the day than Olivia does... I dunno. How the heck can I establish a routine for her when she wants to do her own thing every day? :-/

John's pretty sure our baby is psychotic...

I had no earthly idea how hard it was to be a mommy! For example...as I'm typing this, I keep having to pause because Olivia keeps grabbing the laptop wires and trying to chew on them! Don't get me wrong, I love my baby--I am COMPLETELY convinced that she's the most wonderful, smart, and adorable baby in the world. Unfortunately my husband John is also just as completely convinced that she's psychotic. Just when we get into the rhythmn of having a baby, she pulls something new out of her diaper for us to enjoy. I like using examples, so I'll give you another one. From months 2-4, she had been sleeping blissfully through the night. John and I felt like new people thanks to the actual SLEEP we were getting at night. I decide it's time to move her out of her bassinet and into her regular pack and play (in preparation for her eventual move from our bedroom) ever since then, she's not only NOT slept at night, she wakes up several times. Sometimes she wants to be fed. Sometimes I just need to replace the pacie back in her mouth. Last night she went to bed at 9 and woke up every 1 1/2 to 2 hours, ate for 15 minutes and then went back to sleep! I eventually just let her sleep in our bed (something that I SWORE I would never let happen) so I could just nurse her while laying in bed. She woke up in a fantastic mood and John and I woke up looking like two zombie-movie rejects that got hit by a dump truck. Fortunately for me, I'm a stay-at-home mom, so if I could actually get her to sleep without me holding her, I could take a nap. Poor John has to work all day, then go to the unit to do Army stuff.... Poor guy.