I'm going to brag on my husband John for just a second --he's such a wonderful husband and father! We were having the WORST time putting Olivia down to bed last night! It was partially my fault--we fed her dinner (prunes and sweet potatoes) and I was nursing her on the couch and she fell asleep. I was so tired, I just laid right down with her and went to sleep too! We slept for about an hour and a half and when I woke up, I had a terrible headache and I told John I didn't want to give her a bath, I just wanted to go to bed. He tried to warn me, and I honestly don't know WHAT I was thinking --she NEVER goes to bed well on nights we don't do her regular nightttime routine. Anyway, she and I went to bed and slept for about an hour when she woke up and was being playful. John gave her a bath by himself because I felt so bad. Then I tried to nurse her to sleep, but she would just NOT GO to bed! John finally sent me to bed and stayed up with her. I couldn't sleep though. I could hear her in the living room crying and crying and it made me so upset! I dunno if it's just a mommy-thing or because of the breastfeeding bond or what, but I feel TERRIBLY guilty when I'm not taking care of her. It was like I could hear Nanny 911 in my ear saying "She's fine. Her father's taking care of her. There's no reason for you to go in there." And that's all true. I'm always complaining to John that he doesn't do enough as a dad, but he WANTS to, I just won't let him! Like last night...he had everything totally under control with Olivia and I was soooo tired and had such a bad headache, but it almost killed me not going in there to comfort her myself. Pip is getting married tomorrow and the rehearsal dinner is tonight. My parents are watching Olivia for us all day tomorrow and John's dad and Leona are watching Olivia for us tonight so we can go to the rehearsal dinner. Well....John was already going to the dinner and I was going to stay at home with Olivia (I didn't want to ask my parents to watch her two days in a row and his mom is out of town) I'm really excited about the time I'm going to get to spend with John (and our friends) tonight and tomorrow for such a happy occasion, but it's going to be really hard --I DO feel guilty spending so much time away from Olivia! I have another job interview next Friday with AT&T and I'm really hoping SOME job...ANY job will pan out for me, but when I do finally get a job, it's going to be SOOOOO hard for me to not be with Olivia 24/7 for the first time in her life! It's something I have to do though and it'll be good for both of us.
On a side note, Olivia started doing something last night that John and I were CRACKING UP about! I posted on the LeakyB@@b yesterday that "You know you're a breastfeeding mom when: You walk through your house with one boob hanging out and don't realize it till you see yourself in the mirror. Then you realize you have no idea how long you've been walking around like that." A TON of other BF moms thought that was hilarious. Last night I thought of a new one. Olivia has been putting both hands on either side of my breast while she's eating and squeezing them together and kneading with her fingers. Lol John says she's "milking me". I fussed at her about it (it REALLY hurt!) She gave me such a look! Like "Be quiet, milk bag, I'm eating here!" I told John "You know you're a breastfeeding mom when: You feel a sense of kinship with and pity for a cat you see nursing a litter of kittens...." Lol! I swear, I know it's normal and natural, but sometimes I feel like such an ANIMAL when I'm feeding Olivia. Like...less human...going back to our natural primate-roots!
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