Judgey wudgey was a bear cont'd....

After I posted this (I had to go because Olivia REALLY needed a nap!) I thought of something I wanted to add. Women do the best they can with the circumstances they're given. My mom WANTED so bad to breastfeed me, but she couldn't produce enough milk. She could have kept trying and kept trying and I would have kept losing weight. She CHOSE to give that up because she thought it was better for me to have formula and not be hungry. Similarly, I WANTED to have natural childbirth. Not only because I've read it's better for the baby, but also because I wanted the full "Mommy experience" of bringing my child into the world by myself. I had to have a c-section. Soon after her birth, one of my frienemies made a snide remark about it. She felt that I should've waited (Olivia was born two weeks early) because Olivia could have flipped (Olivia was breech). I told her that yes, John and I could've waited till the full 40 weeks, hoping that Olivia would flip around. Unfortunately that wasn't an option for us because my placent had failed and we had to have an EMERGENCY c-section because Olivia couldn't breathe! It was NOT the birth I wanted at all, but do I regret it?? That's a crazy question! My baby could have died and I thank God everyday that we had access to the technology that saved her life. People should not judge until they know all the facts about a situation. I'm still getting crap about having a c-section because "so many c-sections are unnecessary". Yes, some are. Mine wasn't.

Judgey wudgey was a bear....

So I'm a fan of TODAY Moms on facebook and they're always posting these really neat articles for moms. You know, like: "Arsenic found in apple juice!" And "Are people who DON'T vaccinate their kids being irresponsible?" things like that. Today they declared it as "Judgement free day" and moms could post what they're tired of being judged about. I posted that I'm really tired of being judged for how I feed Olivia. I'm mostly breastfeeding her, though I do supplement with formula. I don't do it during the week much because we're both at home all day, but on the weekends, when my parents and I take her out, I usually give her formula. I get kind of a two-fold judgement on me... On the one hand, my dad kind of HATES that I breastfeed her. Not sure what exactly his problem with it is, although I suspect it's because it means he can't feed her as much. Or maybe it just makes him uncomfortable because it's my BREASTS! Anyway, I don't really feel comfortable breastfeeding her in public, so I usually take a bottle and formula for her like if we go shopping or to the mall or anything. That means I get judged by breastfeeding mom-nazis who are like "FORMULA IS SATAN'S MILK!!!!" Apparently, though I didn't know this (my mom COULDN'T breastfeed me and I had to have formula) I am poisoning my daughter by giving her formula. Anyway, I was reading the comments the other moms were making and it basically boiled down to: Breastfeeding moms v. Formula moms, Stay at home moms v. working moms, corporal punishment moms v. timeout moms, vaccinate v. don't vaccinate. Everyone was complaining that the other group was judging them for what they were doing. It seems so strange to me! I mean...each group has valid points, reasons, concerns. Nobody on there was like "I'm going to purposefully sabotage my child by psychologically, physically, and emotionally damaging them by giving them formula (working, staying at home, breastfeeding them as toddlers, spanking, co-sleeping with them, etc. etc. insert what you want) Everyone is doing what they think is best for their children or what they're able to do. Yes, I really want to be a SAHM, I GENUINELY do! I love getting to spend that time with my daughter. We can't afford it right now, I'm going back to work (hopefully). Some people can afford it, or can't afford daycare, so they stay home. No biggie. Why are we SO concerned with what other moms are doing?? Why do we judge? I think it's a woman thing. We're always judging what we're doing based on what other women are doing. If something another woman is doing makes us feel bad about our OWN choices, we have to judge them for it. Who cares? Live and let live! We should be supportive and celebrating our differences as mothers (and women) instead of belittling and judging!

'Tis the season!

I've expressed the desire (among my family and friends) to raise Olivia to be more religiously inclined than I am. I feel it is especially important this time of year to raise her to appreciate God and His gifts. It's not Lent, but I'm going to make a sacrifice in honor of this Christmas season--no Facebook for the entire month of December. No status updates, no pictures, no commenting on other people's posts. Nothing. I am doing a complete embargo of Facebook for this month. I want to focus on what this season is really about--not the hate that's being put out there, not about the commercialism. It's about love and faith and family. I want to spend my Christmas season focusing purely on those things--especially with my family. I'm going to continue to blog--this isn't really for anyone except for me and eventually Olivia (I plan to print these out to put in her babybook so she can have a glimpse of what her early life was like through John's and my perspective. It may not seem like much, but since I've become a SAHM, I've been totally obsessed with Facebook--it's really my only outlet (besides this blog) and the only way I can really socialize. I feel this is important though. How can I raise Olivia to value family over commercialism if I'm not willing to as well....?

Angry baby!

Olivia has been acting kind of strange lately. She's been sleeping more during the day and not wanting to nurse. She's also been really FUSSY! Which is completely unlike her. Normally she's the most easy-going baby ever, but lately she's been really really cranky. She woke up 5-6 times last night crying and crying and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her! Normally when she wakes up, I just nurse her back to sleep and it's no big deal. Lately though she's been waking up crying like crazy and not wanting to nurse. She just cries and cries. It's driving me crazy cause I can't figure out what's bothering her. I was afraid she had caught something from my dad at Thanksgiving because now he's got a cold. I don't really think that's what it is now though because she's not sniffly or anything. I talked to my mom about it this morning and we think that maybe Olivia's about to cut a tooth and that's why she's not nursing properly--or even eating that much at all! She did eat a whole jar of sweet potatoes last night, so I know she's hungry. We figured maybe it's the sucking motion that's making her mouth hurt more. I wish she'd just cut a tooth already so she doesn't feel so bad! It breaks my heart to hear her crying like that and not really be able to do anything for her... :-(

Happy Thanksgiving (A day late, but I'm still thankful!)

Happy Thanksgiving! I know I'm a day late, but after having had Olivia, I find myself thankful EVERYDAY, instead of just on this holiday. So really I'm not late--every day is a day of Thanksgiving.

Anyway, yesterday we celebrated Thanksgiving in the usual manner. Our family came over and we cooked and ate and it was DELICIOUS! Even Olivia got to eat. She sat at the table in her highchair like a big girl and ate a whole jar of organic sweet potatoes. Sweet potatoes seems to be her favorite and I felt like it was appropriate for the holiday. My parents and John's mom came over and we just had fun! It was especially nice since I didn't get to cook last year (my mom got takeout, which I didn't even really get to EAT because I was so morning sick). My parents bought the already cooked turkey and I made mashed potatoes (NOT from a box!), green bean casserole, ham&broccoli rolls, candied yams, and stuffing. My dad made corn salad (which was delicious) and John's mom made pumpkin cheesecake and peacan pie. I know Olivia had no idea what was going on, but it was SO much fun! The last couple of years I've realized how blessed I am and how much I have. My birthday is Monday and my mom asked me what I wanted (in addition to some AWESOME shoes that I saw back in September) and I told her that there's nothing I want--there's nothing that I need! I have everything I could ever want (I DO want a job though! Lol) and I want to make the holidays about being with family and love and happiness and all the things the holidays SHOULD be about before our society got so greedy! I want Olivia to understand THAT'S what the holidays are really about--friends and family and being with the people you love--and NOT about just getting as many gifts as you can.

Anyway, yesterday was Thanksgiving, so here goes: I'm thankful for all the blessings God has given me: My friends, my health, my life and my family (ESPECIALLY my family!) I'm thankful that I have wonderful parents who have done everything they can to give me a great life. I'm thankful that I met a wonderful man who doesn't necessarily have it all together (who does?), but who loves me and tries so hard every day to be a great husband and father. Most of all I'm so thankful for Olivia. John and I weren't ready to become parents, but God had other plans for us. He blessed us with a beautiful, healthy, sweet, smart and WONDERFUL daughter that is a HOT MESS--just like the rest of our family--and I love her more than anything! I'm thankful for all these things and the love I feel for my family makes me feel like my heart will just BURST from it! (Okay, enough cheesiness for now... :-P)

TALES FROM THE CRIB!!!

Yesterday....

So I was working on a paper for that World War I class I took while I was pregnant and Olivia was playing on her playmat. Suddenly, I hear her "go to the bathroom" (the bad kind!) I hurriedly go to change her before it can leak out of her diaper and quickly realize I'm too late and it is EVERYWHERE! Out of her diaper, all over her, all over her sleeper, all over everywhere! I take off her diaper and sleeper and am reaching for a baby wipe when she suddenly decides to display her (newfound) independence and roll over, effectively smearing it MORE all over herself and also the carpet in our living room. I soon realize that mere baby wipes will not be sufficient in this case and she's going to need a bath. We normally only bathe her at night --as part of her nighttime routine-- except in special circumstances. I decided this counted as "special". I wipe her off as best I can and take her upstairs for a bath. As we're going up the stairs, she reveals she was NOT finished going to the bathroom and I am a complete FOOL for carrying her up the stairs NAKED!

This morning.....

Me: Nothing like nursing Olivia and her little hands feel like ICE CUBES!!!

My mom: Oooooohhhhh! Poor baby!

Me: Poor baby nothing! Poor mama! Putting her little ice cube hands all over my boob!

These have been more TALES FROM THE CRIB! Stay tuned for more episodes.....

Homework. Bleh!

My parents took Olivia today and John's at work. This means that for the first time since she was born, I'm completely alone at the house. I needed them to take her so I could finish homework I have leftover from a class I was taking in the summer. The class ended July 4 and my due date was July 6. What could go wrong, right?! Anyway, she was born two weeks early and I'm WAY behind in finishing the work. I feel so bad for my professor because she's been so kind about everything and I feel like I'm totally taking advantage of that and I don't MEAN too! Anyway, I got everything done today that I possibly can and am just waiting to hear back from her about some articles I need to read. I'm still further along than John (who was taking the class with me). What the heck was I thinking taking a graduate level history class when I was 9 months preggo?! And what the heck were John and my mom thinking letting me do it?! I mean...I was pregnant, obviously not in my right mind. What's their excuse?

Anyway, I kind of thought I'd enjoy being by myself, but I just miss the baby. My mom said she'd bring her home in about an hour and I was like "Just go ahead and bring her." The house is all quiet and lonely without her. I can't imagine what it'll feel like when she moves out when she's 18! No wonder people have "empty-nest syndrome". Especially SAH mom's. They prolly feel like they're going nuts! Sometimes when I'm with her, I daydream about the days when I was just completely by myself and could do whatever the heck I wanted. Now I just want my baby back! I miss her!

Almost Thanksgiving

So today I went shopping with my mom to get the groceries for Thanksgiving. We're doing it at my house this year and my parents are in charge of the turkey and I'm cooking everything else! I want to really do it up this year because it's Olivia's first Thanksgiving and also because I couldn't really enjoy it last year--morning sickness prevented me from cooking OR eating the food! Nooooo!

So I hate it when people rush past Thanksgiving to get to Christmas, but today my mom and I were at the mall to shop for body wash at Bath and Body Works and we saw Santa Claus just sitting there by himself! NO LINES! We immediately rushed to buy Olivia a Christmas-y outfit (like she doesn't already have enough of those) so she could get her pic taken with him. I know that's wrong, but NO LINES! Olivia loved it--she couldn't take her eyes off him. She was TOTALLY enamored. I figured I should enjoy it this year--next year she'll probably be terrified of the big guy.

Good weekend

I had a GREAT weekend! Olivia slept through the whole night Saturday night. She not only slept the whole night, but slept so late that I was able to get up with John and talk to him while he got ready for work and then clean the kitchen before she woke up! Then she and I went to church with my mom and then my parents came over to my house to eat some homemade chili I made--delish! Olivia slept through the night last night too--well she woke up at 4:30, nursed for a half hour, then went back to sleep, but I'm going to count it as a win since she's still in bed asleep with John and I'm up blogging by myself. It's really nice to get a few minutes to myself--that's so rare these days and I'm one of those people that REALLY needs personal time/space in order to function on a daily basis.

Not my baby!

So Olivia slept really well last night! My parents (specifically my dad) have been bothering me about feeding Olivia solid food. I had tentatively been doing that, but some days I would "forget". I realized yesterday when Olivia was very happily eating her breakfast of sweet potato mush that I'm going to have to just suck it up and accept the fact that she's growing up and needs to start eating solids. I realized the problem is not with Olivia eating solid food, it's what it represents to me, namely the fact that it means Olivia is beginning the weaning process. I know that it'll still be six months or more before Olivia totally weans off me, but this next step feels like the beginning of the end and that makes me sad. The really bad thing is that when I went to talk to John and my mom about it, they already knew how I was feeling about it and why. They can read my crazy emotions better than I can! :-/ I DON'T WANT MY BABY TO NOT NEED ME AS MUCH! But I know that being a good mom means raising her to not need me. Motherhood dilemma....what're you gonna do?

Scheduling Conflicts....

So Olivia did better last night--she woke up at 2am and I nursed her for a while and she went back to sleep. I tentatively wanted to move her back into her pack'n'play, but I guess John didn't want to risk her waking up several more times throughout the night because he wanted to just let her sleep in bed with us. I was too tired to argue (and, let's face it, he DID have a point...) so she slept with us until about 6am, when John got up to get ready for work. This whole thing kind of sets me up for my next post: Schedules, or (because people seem to prefer this word) "routines". Now, I know that babies and children thrive on routine and everything I've read online says Olivia is definitely old enough to have an established routine (she's 4 mos old). Every day I wake up and say to myself "Today's the day. I'm going to sit down and figure out a workable routine for her and me" and you'd think I'd be able to because I AM a SAHM, so it's not like I've got a lot going on to distract me from this. The problem is that she does things different everyday! The only thing we've totally established in her nighttime, go-to-bed routine (and that works fantastic), but she wakes up at different times each day. She wants to eat, nap, play, etc. different times EVERY DAY! I've looked at sample routines online for breastfeeding, SAHM's, but besides breastfeeding, we've also added solids, which aren't really part of a routine for 4 mos olds and also, I guess their babies nap a lot more during the day than Olivia does... I dunno. How the heck can I establish a routine for her when she wants to do her own thing every day? :-/

John's pretty sure our baby is psychotic...

I had no earthly idea how hard it was to be a mommy! For example...as I'm typing this, I keep having to pause because Olivia keeps grabbing the laptop wires and trying to chew on them! Don't get me wrong, I love my baby--I am COMPLETELY convinced that she's the most wonderful, smart, and adorable baby in the world. Unfortunately my husband John is also just as completely convinced that she's psychotic. Just when we get into the rhythmn of having a baby, she pulls something new out of her diaper for us to enjoy. I like using examples, so I'll give you another one. From months 2-4, she had been sleeping blissfully through the night. John and I felt like new people thanks to the actual SLEEP we were getting at night. I decide it's time to move her out of her bassinet and into her regular pack and play (in preparation for her eventual move from our bedroom) ever since then, she's not only NOT slept at night, she wakes up several times. Sometimes she wants to be fed. Sometimes I just need to replace the pacie back in her mouth. Last night she went to bed at 9 and woke up every 1 1/2 to 2 hours, ate for 15 minutes and then went back to sleep! I eventually just let her sleep in our bed (something that I SWORE I would never let happen) so I could just nurse her while laying in bed. She woke up in a fantastic mood and John and I woke up looking like two zombie-movie rejects that got hit by a dump truck. Fortunately for me, I'm a stay-at-home mom, so if I could actually get her to sleep without me holding her, I could take a nap. Poor John has to work all day, then go to the unit to do Army stuff.... Poor guy.